Friday, November 4, 2011

On being adopted as an older child...

Today I have a guest blogger.  Her name is Angel and I have known her since she was 10 years old.  She is a beautiful young woman with a bright future ahead of her.   I have been blessed to have been a small part of her and her brothers lives.  Angel was adopted as an older child as well as being part of a sibling group of four.  Please let her know what a great job she did in your comments.  I'll make sure she gets them.

My name is Angel and I'm now 23 years old. I was adopted when I was 10 years old. I have to admit that it has been a very long journey.I lived with my real parents up until I was 9 years old. Life seemed like it was great. I had my brothers and my parents and my life was full of happiness. Then one day in January of '98  my world came crashing down. My parents were arrested and me and my three brothers were placed in foster care. My mom promised that we  would all stay together and that is one thing I'm grateful for today.

After going into two foster care homes, our case worker told us there was a family that was willing to take all four of us in. I wanted to be really happy but my heart was filled with sadness at the same time not knowing if we would ever see our parents again. That fear became a reality in 2000 when our foster parents of two years adopted us. It was a happy day for all of us because the uncertainties that come with foster homes kind of always added  a lot of stress to my life. We all had to grow up fast.  I took on the responsibilities of caring for my 4 year old brother and my 12 year old brother kind of took on the role of acting as a father. He always told us what to do and what not to do. He was really the one that kept us all together..

Any way, back to the day that we were adopted, that day gave me some relief because we had real parents that loved us, adopted parents that gave us a second chance at life and childhood, and we had real rooms with tvs and bears and all the toys we could ever want. Life was good. I was grateful for what they had given us, but I still had to go through the grievance process of losing parents , even though they were not dead, it was as if I had to believe that. I was angry that these people wanted us to call them our mom and dad.. OR so I thought. I could never come to acceptance of calling then "mom" and dad.

Till this day I still think of the what ifs and the life I would have had if I stayed with my real parents. I still miss them very much and not a day goes by that I do not think of them. I missed them seeing me learn how to do math, how to play the clarinet in band, graduation, and I'll miss them when I get married and have no one to walk me down the aisle or cry on the front row because their losing their little girl, and I'm sure I will miss them when I have kids and their real grandparents are not there to see the little moments of life that mean so much to me. I have searched for them but come up empty handed as so has my little brother and my older brother.

Some of my brother say that our foster mom is not our mom and will never be our mom and they still hold grudges toward her. Our adopted dad died a year after we were adopted so our adopted mom had to raise us on her own. we were a happy family until she got remarried and later divorced and all our relationships went down hill. Even though we are not close I still thank her for what she did for us. It was a selfless act to take us in and give us the life we have now. I can say without a doubt that without her I would not be where I am today. I am in college working on my early childhood development degree and I am really happy to be in east Texas.

To all those that are planing on adopting kids that are old enough to remember their real parents, don't come on too strong, given them time to grieve their loss, teach them that it is okay to miss them, and finally remind them that you love them and you adopted them to give them a fair chance at life. Every child deserves to be loved and natured in a way that will help them succeed in life.


  1. Great post! Thanks for sharing the perspective of the child being adopted.

  2. Thank you for sharing! It was good to hear from the adopted child. Angel, you did great!

  3. I really appreciate you sharing your story, Angel! This helps give those of us that don't know some insight into what all is involved in regard to adoption of older children. I'm so glad that you were given a good shot at life when your parents were no longer in the picture - and amazing that the 4 of you were kept together. :)